Monday, May 04, 2009

Scream Test

Shetty frowned as he flipped the various portfolios.

"Damn. Damn, and more damn," he muttered. He should've never listened to that Desai kid. These US-returned youngsters thought no end of themselves. One measly degree from some bloody university and they thought they knew what film-making was all about. MBA too, to top it. He shook his head and wiped his bald head.

"Next," he barked into the intercomm.

The lanky guy peeped his head through the door and stepped in with a meek "sir?"

"Come in," Shetty grunted.

He looked nervous, this guy. Shetty sized him up quickly. Hmm..not so bad actually.

"So, you are..." he pored over his profile, hooking on his glasses on the nose.


"Ankit," Shetty repeated and leaned back, his hands over his head. He looked at the nervous guy's face for a few seconds, a smirk slowly creeping across his own face. "So, you want to be a star, huh?"

"I want to be in this film, sir."

Shetty rolled his eyes.

"No, really sir..."

"You see, Mr. Ankit," Shetty said, leaning forward keeping his hands on the table. "This will be our most expensive movie till date. Special effects. Music. You name it. And we want actors," he said with a typical gesture. "Actors. Not dreamy-eyed stars. And that is why we're interviewing and auditioning new faces."

Ankit nodded sagely.


"I know sir," Ankit interrupted. "And I understand that. I think...I'm..I'm your guy."

Shetty raised an eyebrow. "Oh yeah? And what makes you so confident, young man? We'll have a screen test, and..."

Ankit interjected again. "Sir, I'm telling you..."

"Listen young man. I don't like to be interrupted. I'm the director of this film, and I can show you the door, rightaway. Ok? You're lucky the producer of the film isn't here with me today, else..." Shetty wiped his brow with a frown.

"Anyway..what makes you think you're so qualified for this movie? What's so great about you anyway?"

"Sir, this is a horror movie right?"

Shetty nodded.

"Sir, I think I can give it that authenticity. And you won't even need special effects."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yes sir," said Ankit, pulling out his head and placing it on the table.

"You see sir," the head spoke. "I died last year on my way to the same studio, for the same film. And I really want this film. I'm dying to do it, excuse the pun."

Then guiltily, he picked up his head and screwed it back on.

"So, I'll get the role, right sir?"





RustyNeurons said...

:) i loved the cheeky humour in there.

Anonymous said...

Oh my Gosh !! oh my gosh !!

I dont' know if I should get scared or I should smile. Brilliant one !!

Cynic in Wonderland said...

you and your penchant for the macabre.

( NICE!)

stupid fool said...

Well there u go again..creepy-crawly horror.Awesome!!

Anonymous said...

right now I am all "rofl, lol" ..
this has to be one of the most humourous horror stories I've ever read :P

Akash said...

Too good!!! it reminds me of Nana Patekar's story from "Darna Mana hai".

~anu~ said...

oh boy! your imagination is something else! nice!

phatichar said...

Rusty: ;-)

tinywindow: both

Cynic in Wonderland: :-) it's a curse..heheh

stupid fool: :-)thanx..

kunal: yeah? :-)

Akash: ah, that 'lonely-road-hitchhiker' one, huh?

~anu~: thanx! :-)

Anonymous said...

2 posts in a week..a rare treat :) love your stories man, keep them coming..

phatichar said...

alphamallu: :D first time here? Thanks, 'n keep droppin' in. BTW, I love your username ;-)

Pri said...

ROFL!! i wish RGV got a guy like this for his next horror flick..would do the audience some good ;)

Pinku said...

wow!! love this....I wish I could pull this one on my boss while asking for a raise...

am sure he would immediately agree...what do u think??

phatichar said...

pri: aaaaargh! :-)

pinku: sure, try... :-)

Ersa said...

Very well written, phatichar. This is my first time here and I loved it...Funny and scary, well done :-)

Swathy said...

My first time here,But I read all your posts till like 4 "sittings" :P
spooked out actually!!
waiting to read more..

Priyanka said...

Like everyone said - it was funny as well. Is there such a category like light horror (like light humor ;)

phatichar said...

Ersa: welcome! thanx for the kind words :-)

Swathy: welcome! phew, 4 sittings! that's fast...yeah more comin' up. watch this space. :-)

Priyanka: lol@light horror..that's a thought, hmmm. :-) good to have you back. will catch up with ya soon.

Patrali said...

hehe...awesome man!
ths was my 1st visit .... u know got tired of work n strated wandering a bit.....loved it ;)
will visit more...hopw 2 get more of u

DewdropDream said...

I read not just this one but several others from your archives... you really have a knack for the teist in the end sort of thing, don't you? That's my favourite kind of story :)

Good writing!

phatichar said...

patrali: :-) welcome, and return

dew: heh..the coffee table person! welcome..yeah, I like twists in tales.. :-) thanks

Arunima said...

darna Zaroori hain!

phatichar said...

Arunima:heyheyheyyy! Looky who's back after eons! Welcome.. :-)

Mama-Mia said...

i laughed! is that okie?! :D

cool stuff!


Nirav said...

This one was wicked cool! :)

Nisha said...


Stupidosaur said...

"You think you are perfect for this movie? Ha! Have you lost your head?"

"No sir, but I sure can lose it if you ask. At the drop of a head!"

Pinku said...


long time no news...hope all is well..

a friend has started a venture that might interest is the link

PURN!MA said...

amayyyzing!! ROFLOL... My condolences to the director saab!

celestialrays said...

read a few stories here...
great writing!
definitely coming back for more :)

phatichar said...

Mama-Mia: *shrug* :-)

Nirav: thx man

Nisha: hehe..thx ma'am

Stupidosaur: LOL..only you could've come up with something like that..

Pinku: hey...(I know, I know...don't frown)

Will drop you a line sometime soon

PURN!MA: welcome, girl! :-) Thx..yeah, you need to offer condolences to the director's family tho'..hehe

celestialrays: all means, do come back

Tongue-fu Lady said...

roflol!! u r one helluva freaky fiction writer..way to go..!!

phatichar said...

tongue-fu lady: hehehe..thx, you flatter me.

Divya said...

Hahaha this was so cute :D